Wandering in Salvos (Salvation Army) store, I found an interesting book “MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS” by John Gray. Indeed, this book opens an insightful way of understanding many significant differences between the two.

Why are women so changeable? What did I do to make her change like that? She was OK 5 minutes ago and now she is very unhappy? I cannot understand her?

These are very common questions which men often ask himself about his partner or wife. And the answer in the book can help men to figure it out.


Waves are up and down constantly. When it hits the top, it will crash down. And when it reaches to the bottom, it will rise up again.

This image explains for what is happening inside women. Gray states that “when she is feeling really good, she will reach a peak, but then suddenly her mood may change and her waves crashed down. This crash is temporary. After she reaches the bottom suddenly her mood will shift and she will again feel good about herself. Automatically, her wave begins to rise back up.”

This example will illuminate the statement. When a woman remembers a special day between them. She feels full of love and emotion to bring back the memory. Of course, she is happy. Then with this high mood, she asks her boyfriend: “Do you know what this special day is?” Normally, men are not good at remember details. And he answer: Today is Friday. After his answer, her wave falls down. She starts thinking about her emptiness and disappointment. She feels that he does not care about her and their relationship, their memories. And then, she is sad and hopeless, alone, unsupported. Consequently, she needs to be filled with love. John Gray calls this time is: “emotional housecleaning”!


When men and women are in love. Women often “shine with love and fulfillment.” And men often expect she will be like that, charming, nice and gentle, all the time. However, to expect she is in good mood constantly is like expecting weather is always in spring time. Then, suddenly, the weather changes from a sunny beautiful sky into a cloudy and gloomy one; he thought that what is happening? He did not do anything wrong!

The biggest mistake men often make is try to fix it! He tries to explain for her that she does not need to react, behave or to be upset like that. This action only makes the situation worse because she is feeling more misunderstood and distressed.


  1. Do not try to pull her up when she is going down. She needs to hit the bottom before she could rise up.
  2. Do not try to fix, to explain, to give reasons that she should not be upset. Do not fix!
  3. The most important thing she need is to be with her to the bottom.
    Listen to her feelings.
    Empathize with what she has been through.
    Be close to her, keep her warm physically and emotionally.
    Do not try to understand, but offer her love, care, attention and support.

In summary, women are waves. BE PRESENT and LISTEN to her to the bottom of the wave. As a result, she will be OK again and prepare for the next up and down!!!

With love,

butchivuive (Happy pencil)